


Those Things We Shouldn't Do

by panther



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cross-Generation Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-04
Updated: 2012-07-04
Packaged: 2017-11-09 04:18:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/451187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panther/pseuds/panther
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neville has no idea why they picked him and wouldn't even call it an affair. He just knows he doesn't feel connected to Hannah any more and Lily is there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Those Things We Shouldn't Do

They shouldn’t. Neville knows that, but that doesn’t mean that he can stop _this_. His wife is far away, always smelling of stale beer and drunk wizards that can’t or won’t work and instead spend their days leering at _his_ wife’s arse and telling her their broken dreams. Hannah has become disconnected from him, as if she belongs to _them_ now and not Neville who spends his days at the Castle teaching and working and carving out a living from the earth and who never really noticed when he started staying at the weekend too. Frustration that used to be about being away from home became frustration about sleeping in a cold bed without a warm body and only a sweaty hand to comfort him. His life began to feel stagnant, like he was in the same place he always had been, with his plants and his small circle of friends and never quite fitting into the excitement he could see all around him. 

He doesn’t understand why Lily picks _him_ of all people to focus on but he can’t bring himself to question it too much in the beginning and he certainly can’t bring himself to do it now. Not now that he has felt her throaty laugh against his ear and seen her pale thighs wrapping around his less than firm waist. He is older now and the awkward frame that he didn’t quite fit into before is strong but topped by greying hair and tired eyes. Students don’t whisper about him in hallways or write him terrible poetry at Valentine’s day, and yet Lily blushes when he says her name and grins impishly when she slips her cool fingers under his robes. 

When Neville tries to tell her why this _can’t_ keep happening she reminds him that she is seventeen and an adult and no one can catch her wandering the halls at night because she is Head Girl. Her status only makes Neville feel worse and he wonders if he is using her to work out the frustrations caused by the separation from his wife. Lily was not inexperienced when she came to his office after dinner one Friday evening, when he should have been with Hannah and instead was sitting down with a fire-whiskey, and somehow Neville uses that to justify his actions. She is all warm brown eyes and vivid red locks that tumble down her back when she throws her head back and gasps at Neville’s touch and she seems so free and _alive_ that he can’t let it go. 

He wonders if she finds it exciting and dangerous, as if it is not really about Neville but about the whole idea of it. There is no pattern to when she comes and it is not like he listens to her worries and holds her through her woes. It doesn’t feel like an _affair_ as such. They make each other feel better, work out their frustrations, and there is nothing more to it. Yet still, when Christmas comes and he is one of the Professors to head home and subsequently be invited to an evening at the Potter’s for dinner, he feels sickeningly guilty to see his lover and his wife standing side by side and helping put dishes away as he pours drinks with Harry. Lily doesn’t smirk at him or rub her leg up his during dinner to wind him up because she doesn’t _have_ to. It is that moment that Neville realises he would rather take Lily home to his bed than the beautiful Hannah who still smiles the same and laughs the same as she always did when outside her pub. 

He doesn’t talk to Lily but he doesn’t talk to Hannah either. He doesn’t love Lily but the more he thinks about it the less he can convince himself that he still loves Hannah. Neville is becoming one of _those_ middle aged men. Harry scowls when Lily bends over to pick something up and her cleavage is exposed to them both. It makes Harry mutter about how she used to be his little girl and should cover herself up and makes Neville think of her breasts spilling free of the bras that didn’t fit her and the way she grinned at him when he gave in and palmed her milky white flesh. 

In the end they do end up alone together, in a dark corridor of the family home that remains a reminder of where Harry inherited it from, and the flickering lights from downstairs make Lily’s eyes almost eerie as she shifts from one foot to another. Neville doesn’t say anything but his fingers brush hers as he moves past and he _knows_ it won’t end. It should, but it won’t.


End file.
